COUNSELING THE STRESSLY CONFUSED WOMAN

I had rare opportunity to counsel a walk- in woman counselee yesterday at church. The woman was experiencing stress and confusion in life. She was clueless about the source of it until I gave her some key points to identify it. I said the following can be the source of your problem. 1.Guilt  2.Unforgiveness  3.Wrong Decisions and 4.Stubborness. Which one ? She said : ” All of the Above, Pastor” . What would be the solution to my problem? ” There is only one solution to it. Surrender your life to God and He will take care of your problem. Jesus is the Only Way to have a confused free life.” Its hard , pastor she replied. You have to make a choice. She shook his head and I shook her hand and bless her.

I remember the story of the Rich Young Ruler , who can’t give up his treasure and follow Jesus. People who can’t give up their life to Jesus can’t find the true meaning of life.

Matthew 10: 39 ” Whoever finds life will lose it and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it “

Lets us all surrender our life to Jesus , the Author and Finisher of our faith !

PASTORAL COUNSELING IS MY CALLING

God had wired me to be a Pastoral Counselor. Since an early age , my character awards were : Most Helpful , Most Friendly ( twice ) and Best in Religion. Looking back , God endowned in me those character traits with a purpose .In college , after journeying to 3 courses I ended up finishing a Psychology course . I’m not really an academic guy in the class – just an average student enjoying the company of people around.  I can easily make friends of all people from different walks of life. I firmly believed that God had ordained my days. He orchestrated all my educational training for the advancement of His Kingdom. I finished my Psychology course major in Guidance and Counseling , my seminary course in Pastoral Care and Counseling.

Looking back , I’m amazed on how God molded me to where I am right now. I met and counseled many people in church and some friends outside the church. I’m reminded of the exhortation of Paul to the Ephesians :

Ephesians 4:1 ” As a prisoner of the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you received “

In obedience to God’s Word , I decided to further improve my counseling craft. I chose to enroll at Ateneo de Manila Center for Family Ministries ( CEFAM ) this June. I wanted to upgrade my skills in counseling more people in Marriage and Family.

It dawned on me that it’s my utmost responsibility  to be serious in my calling and hone my gifts in reaching its highest potential. My task is to be a faithful steward and fruitful servant that would advance God’s Kingdom on earth . God has destined me to be a Pastoral Counselor in my Lifetime – To God be the Glory !

GODLY COUNSEL

Romans 15:14-15 ” I myself am convinced my brothers that you yourselves are full of goodness , complete in knowledge and competent to counsel one another “

Here are some tip questions that you should ask yourself if you want to know someone gave you a godly counsel :

Tip # 1 Is the Counselor God fearing ?

Its easy to pretend to be spiritual and religious. The manner we speak and the religious words used can be deceiving. The Life of the counselor is as good as his counsel. We cannot give what we do not have. The power of a God fearing is life is the anointing in counseling.

Tip # 2 Is he using the Bible or Scriptural principles to guide you ?

Philosophically this world offers great solutions to man’s problem but it does not solve the root of the problem. The least it could do is to sugar coat the issues and pretend its better.Only the Scripture gives long term solution to man’s problem , Humanistic philosophy don’t.

Tip # 3 Does the counselor show genuine concern for your welfare ?

Authentic counseling brings out the heart that cares for people. Counseling is not a job to do , its a ministry to care.
There’s a saying that goes like this : People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. We learn to be sensitive to people’s need. The love of God brings the best out of people.

Tip # 4 Is the Counselor listen to other counsel

Counselors are not perfect , they also need help. They seek counsel and listen to others advice. Counselors dont have the monopoly of knowledge and wisdom. They are open for new ideas , skills and revelation from the world of christian counseling. At best , they listen to the Great Counselor as they counsel – The Holy Spirit to guide and counsel them.

Tip #5 Does the counselor bring you closer to Jesus?

Counseling is not solving people’s problems but guiding people to discover Jesus’ plan for their life. Counselors guide people to a realization of God’s plan for their life. No matter how sinful the issue of the person , the counselor lead the person in the process of truth , repentance and faith in God.

Hope this 5 tips will help bring the integrity and dignity of Christian Counseling in this world. Have a Spirit filled Counseling to everyone !

If you need Godly counsel and read counseling blogs , please log on at our website www.victorygreenhills.org. Click the Victory cares and Blogs icon.

CONSOLING MESSAGE IN TIMES OF BEREAVEMENT

This is one of my best and well prepared Necrological Message for the family of our beloved member in Greenhills.

INTRODUCTION :

What is death?

Death was never Popular and would never be popular .

The last thing most people want to talk about is death. But its there , always there , waiting there to claim us. But Death is never our Destiny and we would allow it to be.

• Medical point of view – it is a cessation of the physiological function in the human body

“ The question of the meaning and worth of life never becomes more urgent or more agonizing than when we see the final breath leave a body which a moment before was living “ Psychologist

• For the elderly person death is the quiet culmination of the aging of vital organs

• Research shows that elderly do not usually have increased fear of dying

• As a Pope John Paul once said “ My bags are packed and I’m ready to leave “

• Spiritually and in God’s view, Death is the passing of the spirit from the body under sublime and peaceful circumstances.

Death is a grief to the living. The healing process we will probably find that our memory of the one who died is freed from sickbed and had fulfilled his mission on earth.

John Donne once said :

“ When one Man dies, one Chapter is not torn out of the books but translated into a better language and every chapter must be so translated. God employs several translators; some pieces are translated by age , some by sickness , some by war , some by justice but God’s hand is in every translation and his hand shall bind up all our scattered leaves again for the Librarian where every book shall lie open to one another “

Our life is a Living Testament, A Book that every man will read and learn from. I believe his Biography is one of those few books that we will enjoy and learn great lessons from life.

Psa. 90:10-12 ‘ The length of our days is seventy years or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away. Who knows the power of your anger ?For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you. Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.’

Birth and Death enclose main sort of ( parenthesis ) of the present

What is more important is not the length of life ( quantity ) but the quality of life we spend influencing and imparting good values among the people around us. The Dash ( – ) is more important than the dates.

• Death spares no one

• In order to understand life , we must understand death mystery search for its meaning and come to terms with nature . We fear that we don’t understand

• Everything changes but death remain changeless. Death always waits.
• The certainty of death and the participation with all mankind in this terminal event

• It’s the last enemy to be destroyed . There is a Blessed Hope :

1Cor. 15:20 But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the first fruits of those who have fallen asleep.
1Cor. 15:21 For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man.
1Cor. 15:22 For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.
1Cor. 15:23 But each in his own turn: Christ, the firstfruits; then, when he comes, those who belong to him.
1Cor. 15:24 Then the end will come, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power.
1Cor. 15:25 For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet.
1Cor. 15:26 The last enemy to be destroyed is death.

“WE HAVE HOPE BECAUSE OUR LORD JESUS CONQUERED DEATH WHEN HE DIED AT THE CROSS “

John 11:25 “ Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies. “

• God determined when we shall die

• God decides the issues of life and death

• God desires and excited to be reunited with us

Our dearly beloved dad is happy now and I believe God has a better place for him.

He died with Dignity , Honor and Greatness ! With that I would like to give due respect and honor to the great life of this man.

His legacy as a Loving Husband , Father and Brother to his siblings will be remembered forever . And this will be passed on to the next generation of his clan.

Let us pray !

COUNSELING THE ABUSE

I have a rare opportunity to counsel people suffering from sexual abuse early on in their lives. It seems to be an endless struggle to overcome such kind of trauma in life. It put a scar in every person’s life. The attitude of moving on with life seems to be an endless journey. Last sunday , I counselled a person who experience such traumatic experience in the hands of her relatives. Its not an unusual case , a typical Filipino story of life. Due to financial constraint of the parents , the girl was supported by her grandad in exchange for sexual advances. From childhood to adolescent years. The girl admitted that she developed fear of men. In the slightest touch from a man , she reacts immediately. Now , she’s a professional and still a victim of indescent proposals from her employers. She’s helpless until she met Christ in her life. She gave her life to Christ and experience the saving power of God.
I told her that in the eyes of God , you are pure and holy. Nothing has change in God’s view of her as a woman. Just continue to walk in her new found life and God would bring a faithful man in her life. I encouraged her to undergo the process of discipleship and counseling to gain emotional healing. God will bring us to victory once we offer our life in total surrender to Him.

2Cor. 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING

I had counseled many young engaged couples in the recent years and shared with them 5 Principles of a Successful Marriage:

1. LOVE AND RESPECT – both couple must learn to love and respect each other even in times conflict and misunderstanding. At the end of the day , when issues are settled , both feel that their person is not attacked and can still express their intimate love for each other.
2.FINANCIAL TRANSPARENCY – early on both couple must agree who would best manage their finances. Women should not always be the default choice. Men could also be a good finance manager. Its your mutual decision. I advise that finances must be transparent even if couple have separate bank account for a specific purpose. Both have access in all bank accounts. Don’t fight on money matters. Settle things immediately.
3. LOVE YOUR IN LAWS – its automatic to love your own parent but it takes an extra effort to love your in laws. Your love for them means that you value your spouse and her family. That would make him/her love you more.
4. SETTLE YOUR CONFLICT AMONG YOURSELVES AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE – you cannot avoid conflict in relationships but you can prevent combat ( physical harm ). When the dust are settled and temper cooled down – humility and understanding must set in. Learn to say sorry and ask for forgiveness , that would bring the reset button. If the conflict is frequent , ask a pastoral counselor to help you analyze and process the issue.
5.SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION – both couple must nourish their spiritual life. That would help strengthen the bond between you. God as the center of the relationship would enhance the family as well. Remember we desire to leave a godly legacy to our future children. Be consistent with your devotional life and serve in the advancement of the Kingdom of God.

1Cor. 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails.

PASTORAL CARE MINISTRY

In the last 7 days , God had given me a chance to discharge my pastoral duty : to train , preach , counsel , pray for the sick , solemnize marriage and do necrological service. As the saying goes ” When it rains , it pours “. Kidding aside , I find joy and contentment in serving God and serving His people. I’ve been doing this in the last 25 years but still the joy is ever increasing – its overflowing joy in my heart. I’m turning 47 this week and I still feel fresh and on fire. Lets get it on ! To all new pastors out there, consider ministry not as a work but an opportunity to glorify God .
Acts 20:24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.

To my JOLOGS -Jesus our Lord , our God Lord and Savior – thank you for your grace and love . All the glory and honor belongs to you !